Change the wording of these bad news statements to make them more clear, respectful, and positive. Some statements may need to be completely replaced, and for some, you may want to add more information.
Question 1
We regret that you did not provide enough information to allow us to evaluate your application. We cannot consider you if information is missing from your application.
Problems with the first statement:
Emphasizes the negative
Is not specific
Uses personal, blaming language
Uses negative words
Focuses on what the writer cannot do to help the reader
The statement below embeds the negative information in positive information, is specific, uses impersonal, non-blaming, positive language, and focuses on what can be done for the reader.
Thank you for your application. Your application lacked one letter of recommendation, which was not received before the due date for the evaluation of applications. However if an additional letter of recommendation is received before the due date for our next round of evaluations in November, your application will be evaluated for the next course.
Question 2
I'm sorry to have to be so honest, but your attitude needs improvement, and you're bringing the whole team down.
Problems with the first statement:
Is not specific (Saying an attitude needs improvement is general whereas specifying what someone has said to demonstrate a negative attitude is much more helpful and less judgmental.)
Expresses negative opinion of reader rather than specifying the writer's own feelings about what the reader has done.
Apologizes for being honest
Tells reader what to do about his or her responsibility ("your attitude needs improvement")
Speaks for others
The statement below is clear and respectful, and avoids the problems listed above.
I feel demoralized when you say this project won't work, and I'm afraid other team members might feel the same way I do when they hear you.
Question 3
We don't like the way you talk to clients. You need to be more diplomatic.
Problems with the first statement:
Is not specific
Expresses negative opinion of reader rather than specifying the writer's own feelings about what the reader has done.
Tells reader what to do about his or her responsibility
Speaks for others
The statement below is clear and respectful, and avoids the problems listed above.
I'm not comfortable with your laughing at our clients' suggestions and using lingo they aren't likely to understand.
Question 4
We thought your application was strong, but we can't employ you at this time.
Problems with the first statement:
Emphasizes the negative
Focuses on what the writer cannot do to help the reader
The statement below embeds the negative information in positive information, using a subordinate clause and focuses on what can be done for the reader.
Though we have no openings at this time, your application will be kept in our files to be considered for future openings.
Question 5
I'm sorry I let that happen; I'm no good at these things.
Problems with the first statement:
Is self-debasing
The statements below are clear and respectful, and provide an action plan for the future.
if you're responsible, I'm sorry I let that happen. Next week I'll have the report ready for you by Thurs.
if you're not responsible, I'm sorry that it happened. What do you suggest we do about it?
Question 6
At the end of a bad news letter: If you have questions, problems or complaints, call and we will try to help you.
Problems with the first statement:
Emphasizes the negative
Is not confident
Uses a conditional
The statement could be omitted, and replaced with a positive closing.
We look forward to continuing to work with you on this project.
Question 7
I shouldn't have done that; my boss was really pressuring me, so I was in a big hurry and didn't realize what I was doing.
Problems with the first statement:
Gives excuses and is self-debasing
The statement below is clear and respectful (to both the reader and the author), and provides an action plan for the future.
I shouldn't have done that. This week I'll redo it, resubmit it, and discuss the implications of the delay with our business partner.
Question 8
As a first-year employee, you are not eligible for the retirement plan.
Problems with the first statement:
Focuses on what the writer cannot do to help the reader
Does not stress benefits
Emphasizes the negative
The statement below makes the main idea of the sentence positive, stresses the benefits, and focuses on what can be done for the reader.
After one year of employment, you will be eligible for the company's retirement plan. As a new employee, you can immediately take advantage of medical insurance benefits.
Question 9
You're too slow with your reports.
Problems with the first statement:
Is not specific
Uses personal, blaming language
The statement below is clear and respectful, and gives a specific request rather than blaming the reader.
In order to get my report to my supervisor in time, I need your reports by Thursday at noon.
Question 10
By not building a fence around your pool, you have allowed your property to violate city regulations against health hazards.
Problems with the first statement:
Uses personal, blaming language
The statement below uses impersonal language.
The lack of a fence around your pool violates city regulations against health hazards.
Question 11
You probably won't like these changes in the insurance plan at first.
Problems with the first statement:
Presumes to know how readers will feel
Is not confident
The statement below stresses the benefits and expresses confidence.
We will continue to make affordable health insurance for our employees a top priority.
Question 12
These changes in procedures will be hard for everyone to learn.
Problems with the first statement:
Is not confident
Tells readers how they will feel
Emphasizes the negative
The statement below stresses the benefits and expresses confidence.
These changes in procedure will make us more efficient and more productive in the long run.
Question 13
You will be happy about the upcoming changes.
Problems with the first statement:
Presumes to know what readers will feel
The statement below stresses the benefits and expresses confidence without presuming to know how the reader will feel.
We will continue to make affordable health insurance for our employees a top priority.
Question 14
You failed to send us your check.
Problems with the first statement:
Uses personal, blaming language
The statement below uses passive grammar.
A check for the merchandise you ordered has not been received by our catalog department.
Question 15
The first magazine will not come for at least three weeks.
Problems with the first statement:
Emphasizes the negative
The statement below makes the main idea of the sentence positive.
You will begin receiving your magazine on a monthly basis in June.
Question 16
As you can see from this list of needs, another vendor may be more useful to us as we prepare to offer training.
Problems with the first statement:
Is not clear ("another vendor may be more useful to us" when the writer means to reject the services of the vendor)
Is not confident
Presumes what the reader will think
The statement below is clear and expresses confidence without presuming to know what the reader will think.
Because of these needs, we will be using another training vendor for our upcoming courses.
Question 17
You're late to every meeting, so we never accomplish what we need to.
Problems with the first statement:
Expresses negative opinion of reader rather than specifying the writer's own feelings about what the reader has done.
Uses personal, blaming language
The statement below specifies the writer's feelings about what the reader has done.
I feel like we can't accomplish what we need to get done when you're late for the meetings. We need your feedback.
Question 18
You don't speak up enough.
Problems with the first statement:
Expresses negative opinion of reader rather than specifying the writer's own feelings about what the reader has done
Uses blaming language
The statement below uses non-blaming language and is more specific.
I don't feel like I'm getting your opinions and ideas.
Question 19
I will be out of the country 15 April - 12 May and will not be able to meet with you during that time.
Problems with the first statement:
Focuses on what the writer cannot do to help the reader
Emphasizes the negative
The statement below makes the main idea of the sentence positive and focuses on what can be done for the reader.
I will be able to meet with you when I return to the country on 13 May.
Question 20
Your performance is weak, and you talk too loud.
Problems with the first statement:
Is not specific
Possibly includes unnecessary negative information ("you talk too loud")
Uses personal, blaming language
The statements below are more specific and use impersonal, non-blaming language.
One of your stated goals was ... . According to my records that goal was not met.
If the talking is not disrupting work, but is simply annoying to you, it is not pertinent information and shouldn't be mentioned. If it is disrupting work, the statement below is more specific about the effects of the behavior and uses non-blaming language:
When you're talking, I can't hear my customers when I'm on the phone.
Question 21
Your presentation was accurate, but you weren't very creative.
Problems with the first statement:
Uses personal, blaming language
Introduces negative clause with "but", emphasizing the bad news
The statements below use impersonal, non-blaming language, and embed the negative within positves.
Your presentation was very accurate; it could use more creative elements. Nice job.
The presentation could use more creative elements, but the information you presented was very accurate.
Question 22
When offering compensation: I hope you find the information in this brochure beneficial to you as you plan your move.
Problems with the first statement:
Is not confident ("I hope")
The statement below expresses confidence.
Enclosed is a brochure with valuable information about the move.
Question 23
You didn't show the third-quarter earnings in this spreadsheet.
Problems with the first statement:
Uses personal, blaming language
The statement below uses impersonal, non-blaming language.
This spreadsheet needs to show our third quarter earnings.
Source
Locker, Kitty O. Business and Administrative Communication, 3rd Ed.: Richard O. Irwin, Inc. Chicago, 1995, pp. 51-52.
